Hi Friends,

I wrote these words several years ago, and my heart is circling back to them today. I wanted to share them here.

In bold below is a chorus I sang about this, and below that are a few thoughts.

I can see the fire in Your eyes
I can hear the beating of Your heart
When I read Your Word​

I have this problem. And since misery loves company, I am lumping you all together and sticking you squarely in the same boat with me.

Here’s our problem: we have an inner-Pharisee.

It’s unsettling to me that I could stare at Scripture for years on end, memorize it, know it, sing it, and the Lord could say my heart is far from His.

The Pharisees spent their days memorizing the law. Their mouths said, “yes, yes” to the words, and their hands moved quickly to comply.

Tithes from the mint, check. Tithes from the dill, check. Don’t miss a spice, don’t want to steal. Pray, check. Did it loudly. Be a good example for people watching, check. Don’t want the people to get sloppy in obedience.

I imagine that the Pharisees began with sincerity. I imagine they started with the desire to be pleasing and do what’s right. Maybe I imagine this because when my inner-Pharisee has taken center-stage, I usually started with good intentions.

So how then did I get here?

For me, I think it starts with the search for a check-list. How many times have I felt stuck, unsure which direction to go, and I throw up my hands to the sky and say, “just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!”

This is not the plea of someone looking mostly for connection. This is the plea of someone looking mostly for answers.

And so the check-list search begins. Do this, do this, do this. Got it. Check, check, check, and I’m on my Pharisee way.

But there’s nothing pleasing to God about the Pharisee way. And when I wake up enough to evaluate my heart, there’s nothing pleasurable about it for me either.

I want to come to the Scripture not looking for a check-list, but looking for His eyes behind the lines. I want to search these Words, listening intently for the inflection in His voice.

I want my hands to be quick to comply. And I want my heart to be talking with Him, interacting, alive, all the while. That every act and intent to obey would come from real relationship with Him.

There’s a Man behind these pages. He is where the search begins.

— Anna